Forgotten advice

I forgot to mention some pieces of advice:

- Don't make it chore when you're trying for a baby (the act that is).  There is nothing worse than to kill the mood when you feel forced to do "it" because you (or if you're a guy, you're female partner/wife/girlfriend) happen to be ovulating or you think you can be ovulating soon.  Make sure that it stays romantic and enjoyable.  I know I dont want to remember conception as a stressful thing.  I want to remember it as my husband and I being romantic. 

- Be sure to spend time with your partner.  There are going to be times when women can be quite snappy, mainly because of those darn hormones (remember in Knocked Up when Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl had their spat in the doctors office?) Men will naturally become distant to give their girlfriend or wife some room.  Sometimes this can lead into arguments and this is all okay!  It happens.  But make time for each other and remind each other the love you have for him or her.  Sort of keeping with the above listed advice, keep the romance alive!  If you feel overwhelmed with all of this, try holding off your TTC (trying to conceive) efforts and focus on each other. 

On a side note: I say partner because I am a firm believer in not being biased.  There are many couples who want to have children together but don't want to be married.  So I don't want to tailor my blogs to only those who are married.  I also want to include gay and lesbian couples as well.  All walks of life can experience things my husband and I have experienced (although men won't be able to really relate to woman-specific problems, like ovulation) but I want to welcome everyone to this.

Please feel free to share this blog as well! 

Friends - The Inhospitable Environment

The Beginning

A little bit about us

Hi! My name is Deborah and I'm 25 years old.  My husband and I met in 2009 and were married in 2011 on our two year anniversary (cute, right?) My life was (and still is) absolutely picture perfect and there wasn't anything that could taint it.  On our honeymoon, the baby question came up.  Do we wait for a year or two, enjoy our "honeymoon phase" and start a family after? Do we skip that and start now?  The decision was unanimous and we decided we wanted to start our family as soon as we can.  I wasn't scared that we weren't ready.  I had accomplished what I wanted to accomplish at my age.  I had one more semester of college before earning my Bachelor's degree in Psychology.  We had a house, stable incomes, and love to go around world a million times.  There was no doubt in my mind that my darling husband wasn't ready to become a father and that I wasn't ready to be a mother.  So, needless to say, we started to try and conceive our first child right away.

How we got here

After 9 months of negative pregnancy tests, I decided to take action and visit my gyno.  I explained to him that we had been trying and had no luck.  To be honest with you, I really didn't even know much about conceiving, well, I thought I knew a lot about it but realized I didn't.  I started Googling conception, pregnancy, ovulation, etc.  It was basically sex education all over again.  Here I am, 25 years old and I basically have to relearn about the birds and the bees!  After reading up on ovulation, I decided to start tracking my ovulation with at-home ovulation predictor kits.  I did not realize what a pretty penny you can pay for these.  So, needless to say, I was hoping for a positive ovulation test ASAP.  A couple months passed, still no pregnancy.  I went back to my gyno with  my concerns that something can be very wrong and thus our journey to fertility started.  I began giving blood, doing ultrasounds and my husband did the semen analysis in hopes that something can be resolved.  Come to find out, the problem lied within me.  I wasn't ovulating, period.  My heart sank and I began thinking of the worst possible situation there was: I wouldn't be able to give birth to our biological child.  I was in utter shock.  I felt disappointed, embarrassed, guilty, ashamed, angry, and extremely sad, almost depressed.  I wanted answers immediately and I wanted to know how to fix it.


The first thing we tried was 100 mg of Clomid which consisted of 5 pills starting on Day 3 of my cycle.  The side effects were a complete trip!  I experienced hot flashes like no other.  I had slight abdominal pain, slight bloating but I was way emotional.  I'd cry over movies, commercials, songs, and pictures! On Day 23, I went in for my blood draw and when the results were ready, I wasn't prepared to hear them.  My hCG levels had dropped. I went from around 5 to around 2.  My next two cycles yielded even worse results.  My levels kept dropping. The second was reported at 0.9 and my last was <0.5. What was going on?

So this might be a little TMI but my goal with this blog is to tell my story in hopes that if another couple are experiencing the same thing, they are able to see that they're not alone.  After my third round of Clomid, my cycle was way screwed up.  I literally had a period for almost 30 days.  I ended up going to urgent care for another issue but when the "first day of your last period" question came up, I had to tell the physician what was happening. His jaw hit the floor and told my husband and me that we needed to go to the ER right away.  They took me in right away and advised me that they need to make sure I didn't need a blood transfusion for blood loss.  That was scary to hear.  Luckily I didn't and I wasn't anemic but they wanted to see what was happening inside me.  I went in for an ultrasound and the ultrasound tech showed me that there was a follicular cyst on my right ovary.  She didn't seem concerned at all which made me feel better.  Once the ER doctor looked over my ultrasounds, he said that the cyst looked like I was prepping for ovulation.  My eyes swelled with tears and I looked over at my husband.  He had the same look as I did.  The doctor was a little freaked out.  I explained that it has been over a year since we started trying to have a baby and this was the best news we've received.  But ovulation never took place.

I had a follow up appointment with my gyno and explained what had happened this cycle.  He told me that the Clomid may not have been enough which is why my period lasted so long and that we needed to start looking at taking more aggressive measures.  He referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist and said that he will prescribe another round of Clomid at 150 mg.  We had a consultation with our fertility specialist and she seemed very optimistic about our situation.  The best thing was our age. We discussed the round of Clomid that my gyno wanted me to do and she suggested that I should take another type of medication called Metformin in conjunction with Clomid.  I did discuss with her the problem with this cycle.  She seemed a little concerned about it and wanted to do an ultrasound.  I've had so many ultrasounds at this point, I feel like I can do a pretty damn good job deciphering what the blotchy black, white, and grey things on the monitor are!  My RE (reproductive endocrinologist) saw that there was more than one follicular cyst on my ovary.  Actually it was like the cysts decided to have party and invite their cystic friends and just didn't bother telling their hostess (me).

Now, if you're just starting to try to conceive or you think you're experiencing some problems conceiving, maybe you're seeing a specialist or you're thinking of trying for a baby in the near future and you don't know what Clomid or Metformin is, I'll sum it up in a nutshell. Now I am not a doctor by any means. Do NOT take anything I say as medical advice.  Your best bet is to leave it up to the professionals.  I just happened to be curious about what I was taking and wanted to really be educated on it.  So, Clomid (or clomifene/clomiphene) will basically stimulate ovulation by inhibiting specific hormones. I recently learned this from my gyno; Clomid can only be taken for 6 cycles.  The max dosage is about 500 mg although you really run the risk of hyperstimulation of the ovaries which isn't good. Metformin, in my case, is being used to combat PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome).  It will decrease the size and number of cysts on my ovaries.  The nice thing was the largest cyst measured about 2 mm.  With the use of Metformin and Clomid, I should be able to ovulate normally.  Along with the blood tests, I was ordered to do an insulin resistance test (this can go hand in hand with PCOS and I was never diabetic).  The next test my RE wants to do is a dye test known as an HSG.  This is when they inject dye in my fallopian tubes to determine if there is a blockage which can contribute to the lack of ovulation.

Needless to say, we have a long road ahead of us.  I say that because even if the Clomid and Metformin work and we do become pregnant, I have to ensure that I have a healthy pregnancy.  Since this is our first child, we do plan on having more children.  If we have problems now, we won’t know if we’ll have problems again.  These are the things I’ve learned through this experience:

1.       You can’t really stress too much.  I would be lying if I said you can’t stress at all and it’s not possible to not stress out.  This is very stressful and very emotionally draining.  I had conducted a study for my thesis when I received my Bachelor’s degree and it was on social support and the levels of stress.  I found that the higher your social support, the less stress you’ll report feeling.  This has been completely true for me.  I was lucky enough to be part of a group of women on Facebook who were trying to conceive their first child and it has been such a wonderful experience.  I can tell them pretty much anything (even very TMI parts) and they have always been there offering support and advice.  So, if you’re stressing or you feel alone, there are plenty of websites (such as wte.com) to find other couples that are going through similar situations. 

2.      Keep some humor in your experience.  It will be hard but sometimes you’ll need a good laugh.  I’m a total Friends fanatic and I crack up when Monica says that her “uterus is an inhospitable environment" and Chandler….well, it’s Chandler.  I’ll post a link to the video.  I’m sure you’ll find the humor in it as well.

3.      Talk it out.  You can’t keep everything bottled up.  Talk to your partner, friends, family, or support group.  I know a majority of couples want to keep their pregnancy plans a secret, but sometimes you just need a good talk to keep your sanity.  My husband and I were like that.  We only wanted to tell our immediate family when we became pregnant and then when that 8 week mark came, we’d tell the whole world.  Well, after 14 months of no pregnancy, I had enough of the secret (hence the blog).  I wanted to let everyone know that we were trying but hitting some road blocks.  Another reason why I opted to tell people about this was because I saw some parents not taking advantage of spending quality time with their own children.  It hurts to see this because those parents don’t realize how lucky they have it when they have a child who wants to spend time with them.  If you know someone like this or maybe this is you, please, please, please take advantage of that time because there is someone out there wishing they were in that position.

4.      Educate yourself.  Ask your gyno, primary physician, FS, or any other medical professional anything that may concern you.  If you’re taking medication to help you get pregnant but you don’t really understand what it does, ask!  Be informed about your body.  If that means start charting your basal body temperature, checking your cervical mucus, taking ovulation predictor tests, etc., do it! Keep a journal or log book.  The best book I ever bought was What to Expect Before Expecting.  It has turned into my go-to book.

5.      Stay positive!  One thing that really kept my spirits up was buying a baby outfit.  I swear I’m not crazy but it’s nice to have something there to remind us that anything is possible. 

6.   It's ok to feel envious, angry, or sad.  I've gone through all those feelings.  Women in my support group have experienced this as well. IT IS NORMAL!! When you find out a friend or family member is pregnant and you're jealous, just realize that the jealousy is there because you want to be in their position and don't take it personally.  I'm sure they didn't intentionally get pregnant to make you feel mad or jealous.  If they did, I'd really reconsider that type of relationship.

Whether this is your first child you’re trying for or your twentieth, I hope this blog helps in some way.  I plan to continue to update this with everything we go through in hopes that this alleviates some sort of stress or anguish for another couple going through similar circumstances.  I apologize ahead of time for possible TMI posts but this isn't supposed to be raunchy or dirty in any way, shape or form.  I like to keep things classy but I do want to be informative because in all honesty, it helps when you're going through something similar.  So with that, please check back for more updates!


"Failure is impossible." -Susan B. Anthony